


Oak

by lillullaby



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-14
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-04 16:07:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1082998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillullaby/pseuds/lillullaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"With Andy it was like a punch to the gut in the dark."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There was a statement going around that Andy had felt suicidal during the hiatus. This broke my heart into a million pieces, and I like to think that He didn't have to go through that alone.

Joe was going to cry and it was going to suck.  
He tore through the house, dropping his bag in the lounge and barely waving at the fc gang. There wasn't time for pleasantries. His head was a constant stream of andyandyandy.

Joe tried to push down that little niggling feeling that whispered best buy at him.  
Because Andy was not Pete.  
But, if anything, that only made it more terrifying. 

Because when Pete had gone down- it was his worst fear come to life. Heart breaking and devestating, but something he had time to prepare for.  
Andy was more like a punch in the gut in the dark.  
Andy was strong and secure. An oak in a forest. He didn't waver and didn't lean for anything. He was confident with his place in the universe and respected himself and others.  
Except now Joe was seeing the cracks in his bark and his weathered leaves.  
Joe stopped in front of Andy's door, not sure if he could handle what was on the other side. 

But this wasn't about him. This was about Andy, who he loved more than anything else on the goddamn planet and would do anything to put the light back in to his eyes.  
He walked in, taking in the ball on the bed. All curled up, headphones blaring, completely still. Joe sat on the edge bed, trying to make it clear he was there without startling the older man. He wasn't sure if he was welcome.  
Andy looked up, The moment he saw Joe he ripped the headphones out of his ears, throwing himself at the younger man. His arms wrapped around Joe's neck, pulling him in like Joe was a raft in the middle of the ocean and Andy was a drowning man.  
Joe could be that for him. He clutches ag Andy, pulling the drummer so tightly against his chest that any moment they would melt together, whispering how much he loved him into Andy's hair.  
Because no matter what, that would always be true.  
Joe felt Andy cry with his whole body. Felt his sobs rack his frame. Like he had just now let it all out. Joe could feel how thin he was and how his body curled in on itself. But the most tragic part- Andy didn't make a single sound. His body trembled, shaking with the force of his hurt. But nobody outside of them would ever know- would ever understand. 

x

Later they lay in bed, Joe curled up against the line of Andy's back.  
"I thought about it."  
There was no question what he meant. Joe nodded.  
"I know."  
"I didn't."  
Joe closed his eyes, having to take a deep breath.  
"I'll be glad for that every day for the rest of my life. "


	2. Strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe picks Andy back up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed this.

"Joe- no, I don't want to."

Andy was clung to Joe's front, his nails digging in deep to Joe’s Shoulder blades. He hung from him, doing his best to use his weight and keep him and Joe on the bed. The younger man had been trying for at least 30 minutes to get Andy up so they could go to the store. Or, really, to go anywhere at this point. As long as it was out of this room. 

The farthest Andy had gone in the past week (That Joe's been here, god only knows how it was before Matt called) was the bathroom and back. He would probably forget to eat if Joe didn't bring him up cereal or toast a couple times a day. 

Which was normal depression behaviour- but not for Andy.

When Andy got down (Joe had known Andy for 10 years, and dated him for 6 of those- he had seen Andy depressed) he did everything in his power to fight it. He clawed and punched his way out of depression, fists swinging. Joe knew how to read the signs, because it usually started with cleaning. Andy would clean the entire house then jogged 10 miles or beat the shit out of his drums all night. He ignored it until it went away. Sure, it wasn’t the healthiest method of coping, but it was so Andy- Joe had never questioned it. Joe was used to that, used to dragging him away to sleep, not dragging him away from it. 

So, now, Joe was completely out of his comfort zone. This Andy didn’t get up, didn’t shower or eat or read philosophy books. What the fuck was Joe supposed to do with that? He didn't know what to do or say- like he was walking in a mine field and had no idea when he was going ti do the wrong thing and make it all worse. 

Should he just leave Andy to sleep? Just cuddle up with him and let him cling to him? Just be there to comfort him?  
Or should he try and get him out of the funk?  
Joe wasn’t sure what the best option was, so he chose the only one he knew he could do.  
So Joe acted selfishly, because it was the only way that had any answer at all. Only way that had any light at the end of the tunnel.

He wanted his Andy back: his passionate, sarcastic, insightful andy. The one who ran for fun and ate like a rabbit. The one who thanked the universe before every meal and gave Joe crystals so that he wouldn't feel lonely on trips.  
Joe had always had that Andy- even if he wasn’t right there, Joe was confident and secure with that Andy. He never thought he could lose him. Now, Joe realized how shitty that sounded, even in his own head. He would love Andy no matter what, would stay with him and support him no matter what happened. But Joe couldn’t help being a little scared. 

He shifts his weight, pulling Andy up and into a standing position. (Which just supported his decision to get them out of the house- in no dimension should Joe be physically stronger than Andy. Nu-uh. No way.) He man handles Andy into shoes and his jacket, then shoves him out of the door and into the car. He can see Kevin in the kitchen as they pass, and he throws Joe a thankful smile on their way out the door. The whole house has been worried.  
A shove into the car and they were on their way.  
To where? Joe wasn't 100% sure. Joe could figure that out on the way. 

They ended up at a park, right next to a little duck pond. Joe had called and there was the latest superhero movie out in theaters, and they were going to sit here for an hour and take in real fucking fresh air until it started.

Andy had sulked in the car, eyes squeezed tight and hunched over. But now that he was out Joe could practically feel him relax. Andy loved being outdoors and (though Joe could never really understand why) he really loved Wisconsin. So, Joe’s plan was just to sit him in the park and let the fresh air do it’s magic. It wasn’t a particularly detailed or thought out plan, but it seemed to be working just fine. Joe could practically feel Andy’s whole body relax. He shifted in closer and before Joe knew it Andy had twined their fingers together, and was angled toward him his head on his shoulder. Joe let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. They didn't say anything, just breathed in the cold autumn air.  
The movie was god awful. The action scenes were boring and the acting was sub-par at best. Andy loved it. Joe probably would have, too, if he had paid attention to any of it. But, he had been much more content with subtly watching Andy giggle to himself while stuffing pretzels and raisins into his face. (God, why was that endearing? They were fucking raisins. Vegans, man.) His little smile the most genuine Joe had seen in weeks.  
By the time it ended, Andy’s steps were lighter and he was smiling and Joe felt so relieved he could burst. They climbed back into Joe’s car, holding hands over the center compartment and listening to the radio. They got back to the house, Andy stops him at the front door, cupping Joe’s cheek tenderly. 

That look made everything worth it. The love that Andy poured into a single look, the ‘thank you’ clear as a bell. There was an edge of sadness still there, but a hope that was new and shiny and made Joe’s heart soar. 

The change wasn’t immediate. One good night didn’t solve all of the problems, or repair Andy’s broken confidence. Andy didn't just snap back, and Joe had never expected him to. But he got up more, and with less and less coaxing. He went on a walk with Joe, then started jogging with the guys again. He’s go to the market, and complain about the sugary crap Joe put in the cart. The little normal things that Joe didn’t realize he would miss so much. The FC boys were over the moon, and had been a little lost when Andy had been out of commision, and sprung into full ‘make Andy happy” mode. 

 

They could do this. Andy was so, so strong. This was a bump in the road. But it didn’t expose weakness. Because he’d come back stronger and wiser, and Joe was confident that Andy could do anything.  
He never doubted that for a second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone living through a hard time.  
> Things will get better, there are people who love you sososo much and will be ready when you're ready.
> 
> But it isn't immediate and it is hard but you are so strong for how far you've come and you are such an inspiration.  
> Thank you for being you.

**Author's Note:**

> Not one of the Head Cannons. Super short, sorry.


End file.
